


How Do I Live Without You

by Sparesmom



Series: The Anniversary Series [4]
Category: Hart to Hart
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 01:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20939864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparesmom/pseuds/Sparesmom
Summary: Jonathan and Jennifer plan a trip to the resort where they spent their honeymoon but run into trouble along the way





	How Do I Live Without You

**Author's Note:**

> The Anniversary Series is a non-linear collection of stories set around Jonathan and Jennifer's wedding anniversaries. Each story is a stand-alone and they can be read in any order

Prologue

"Darling, how would you like to go back to Moose Lake for our anniversary this year?" Jonathan proposed.

"It's February 13th, our anniversary isn't until August. Why are we having this discussion now ?" Jennifer asked reasonably, looking at the rain pattering against the windowpane. It had been raining for the past three days solid and she was beginning to miss eating out on the terrace. She supposed she had become a true California girl, acclimated to the nearly year-round temperate weather. Here she was complaining when folks in New York wouldn't be eating outside for months yet. They were lucky that storms like this were rare, and California certainly needed the water. Still, she was feeling a bit stir crazy. 

A few days at Moose Lake sounded lovely even seven months away. At least it gave her something to think about other than the rain. She and Jonathan were in one of those rare lulls where neither one of them had any pressing commitments and they had planned to spend a few days sleeping late, shopping, and making wondrous love. They had managed the sleeping late, and since Max was on his semi-annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas the lovemaking was easy, and inspired. But Southern California drivers were notoriously terrible in bad weather so they chose to stay inside and ride out the deluge.

"A trip to Moose Lake sounds wonderful, Darling." Suddenly she paused and looked suspiciously at him. "You're not planning on driving to Minnesota, are you? This isn't just an excuse to play with your new toy?" She had surprised him with a new Mercedes GLC for his birthday last week and, as much as he adored vintage cars, he had to admit he was in love with the sexy red SUV. 

"Of course not, Darling. That's like a thirty hour drive. We'll take the jet and Lola will remain safely in the garage while we are gone."

"You named your car ... Lola?"

"Well, I considered calling her Jennifer's Folly but that seemed like it might get confusing. And the onboard computer speaks in a female voice." 

"I'm going to switch that voice program and have the GPS talk to you in Samuel L. Jackson's voice." She told him dryly. "You had better not start sleeping in the garage."

"It's your own fault. You could have chosen a nice boring black or white, or even grey, but no. You decided on a red one. You knew perfectly well it would be love at first sight when you gave it to me." He grinned at her, that smile she could never resist, and she laughed. It was a constant joke between them that they both loved the color red. He because of the name, and she had loved it since she was a little girl chasing ladybugs. She had her Corvette in nearly the same shade, although Chevy called it Bordeaux. 

"Just so I don't lose you to a car," she laughed. 

"I promise I'll always come back to you," he teased gently. These times were what he lived for. It wasn't the money, it wasn't the thrill of the conquest. It wasn't even the sex, although that was pretty great, he thought to himself with a smile. God sure knew what he was doing when he created making love to Jennifer. No, it was these quiet moments, just sitting with her and a book, talking about their day, or nothing at all, that moved him like nothing else could.

He didn't care where they spent their anniversary, he only cared that they were together and that she sang to him. She rarely performed in public except every year for their anniversary. She chose a special song and sang for him because he loved to hear her sing. She had sung to him at home, in karaoke bars, and once in the Legacy Ballroom when they threw a particularly large bash. One year she had sung to him via video conference at dawn from their bedroom with a hairbrush microphone when he had an unbreakable business trip that had taken him away over their anniversary date. 

He looked forward to her songs all year. She often sang when she puttered around the house or gardens, snatches of this or that, sometimes whole songs, but she never let on what she would be singing from year to year. He never heard her practicing, never heard her humming one particular tune in the months leading up to the performance and yet her choice always seemed perfect. He wasn't sure how she would pull off this year's production, perhaps another hairbrush microphone, somehow he couldn't see her singing to him in Doc's Bar and Grill, it didn't seem a love song type of crowd. 

They had returned to Moose Lake several times over the years, including one memorable Christmas when they got snowed in, and they considered the spot very special. On their honeymoon, Jennifer had found a beautiful golden brown chunk of agate. Jonathan had it cut and polished and set into a beautiful silver necklace. It was wrapped and ready to give her this year and he could think of no better place to do so than on the lake where they had found it all those years ago.

Chapter One

Jennifer was almost packed for their week at the lake. She had two suitcases lying opened on the bed. One filled with ordinary vacation clothes and the other filled with dainty underthings and negligees. Her lingerie was made for her almost exclusively by Mrs. Fitzsimmons, an amazing seamstress Jonathan had discovered soon after their marriage. Jennifer had discovered that he had an unquenchable passion for the silks and laces she wore to bed. He touched her like he was unwrapping the best Christmas present in the world and he wanted to make it last as long as possible. Mrs. Fitzsimmons' signature pale pink boxes appeared in her lingerie chest with almost alarming frequency and she had more nightclothes than daywear.

Her daytime suitcase held blue jeans, with a few plaid shirts and polos, plus her lucky fishing hat. But her evening bag, that was filled with a rainbow of silks, frothing with lace. It was surely more than she would need for a week at the lake but she wanted plenty of options in case Jonathan was feeling mercurial. She zipped them closed to turn her attention to Jonathan's bag. He had packed it but then left it open on the bed while he went to stow the fishing gear for the trip. Now Freeway was sitting in it, having packed himself. 

"Sorry Freeway, not this time. You have to stay here and keep Max company. Don't give me those sad eyes, I know how he spoils you when we're gone. So scoot, out of daddy's suitcase before he comes back and catches you." The little dog barked once and jumped out of the bag, leaving a generous amount of hair behind. Jennifer just sighed and tossed a lint roller on top of Jonathan's clothes.

The clear sky was so blue it hurt to look at for too long, it promised to be excellent weather for the flight to Minnesota and Jennifer was excited to get going. She decided suddenly to change into something more suitable for the plane. It could get windy on the tarmac, at both ends of the flight, and her floaty sundress seemed to be tailor-made for a wardrobe malfunction. A pair of comfortable charcoal-colored slacks and a hyacinth blue blouse of soft brushed silk seemed like just the ticket. She left the white dress on the chair in her dressing room knowing Max would put it with the drycleaning in time for the Tuesday pickup. 

She was still in her bra and panties when Jonathan returned from the garage and he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around as she shrieked and laughed, throwing her arms around him. They kissed for a long time when he set her down but when he grabbed her bra strap in his teeth and began to drag it off her shoulder she tried half-heartedly to pull away.

"Jonathan, the plane. Frank will be waiting for us."

"He will be busy for at least an hour doing pre-flight checks. I just want to make love to my wife."

"Didn't you get enough this morning?" 

"There's never enough. I could make love to you until the stars burn out and the galaxies stop spinning and it still wouldn't be enough." He walked her backward to the large mirror in front of her makeup table and turned her around to face her reflection in the floor to ceiling glass. "Look at that beautiful, sexy creature." He purred in her ear. "How could I ever get enough of holding her, of touching her." He bent his head over her shoulder again, the machine-gun patter of kisses on her skin distracted her from his hands sliding inside her panties to cup her butt. 

His touch was persistent and persuasive, she found herself pressing back into his palms, and the erection that nudged against her. Suddenly his jeans seemed like an intolerable barrier keeping her from feeling his smooth, velvety flesh on hers. Jonathan read the sudden need in her eyes reflected back at him and he ran his hands down her thighs dragging her panties with him until they dropped to the floor. She was transfixed, staring at those big hands in the mirror sliding up the front of her thighs, framing the tangle of copper-colored curls, moving over her flat stomach, to cup breasts that suddenly felt heavy and swollen in her lacy bra. Instead of unhooking the clasp between them he simply tugged the cups down until he freed each soft globe from its prison. 

It was such a different perspective to see herself the way he did. To be able to watch the flush creep across her body as he touched her, to see her eyes dilate and the erratic rise and fall of her breath. She could see herself reach back to free him from his jeans and she watched her own reaction to his hot skin suddenly pressing into her. She saw his big, tan hand splayed on her stomach, holding her close. Saw his other arm reach across her chest to tilt her jaw and expose her smooth, white throat to his kisses. 

Her breath was caught inside her chest, poised, waiting, but he didn't move. She was trapped in his blue eyes in the mirror and her hips moved of their own accord, her knuckles white on the back of her low vanity chair. Slowly, deliberately, he slid that big hand down her stomach to disappear into that secret place that he loved so well. Standing behind her he made her feel so much fuller when her body throbbed around him, drawing him even deeper. She would have fallen if not for the strong arm across her chest steadying her as he joined her in the maelstrom. 

She came back to herself gradually, first the awareness of her breath returning, then his hands hot on her skin and the cooler air caressing her. The faint sound of Max whistling in the garden somewhere below them and the faint taste of blood where she had bitten her lip. Jonathan kissed her neck one last time before he reluctantly eased her bra back into place and bent to retrieve her panties. Instead of handing them to her though he carefully folded them and stuck them into the pocket of his jeans with a smile. 

"A small memento." He explained at her look of astonishment. She didn't bother to argue, she didn't have the strength yet. He helpfully grabbed a fresh pair from the drawer next to her chair and knelt, holding them for her to step into, her hands on his shoulders and his cheek resting on her soft stomach. He was capable of such passion and great tenderness in equal measure, this exceptional man, and her heart swelled again with love. At long last, she put on the slacks and blouse she had laid out. Jonathan didn't have to do much more than adjust his own clothing as he had never undressed. Her body clenched once more at the memory of him fully dressed behind her nearly nude body reflected in the mirror for both of their pleasure. 

They arrived downstairs to find that Max had loaded their gear into the SUV while they were busy so all they had to do was toss the suitcases in. Max had an appointment so Jonathan was driving after all, thankfully only as far as the airport. Although Jennifer wouldn't have put it past him to try and drive to Minnesota if he thought she would go along with it. But Lola would spend their vacation parked inside their private hanger at the airport just as easily as in the garage until they returned. 

Jennifer had to admit, it was an exceptionally comfortable car. She was used to her low slung Corvette and the generous leg room in the big Mercedes was nice. The buttery soft leather practically begged for her to run her hands over it and she adjusted the passenger seat to her liking. Even just cruising down the driveway at a low speed felt like flying and she almost wished she had gotten him the convertible coupe instead so she could feel the wind in her hair. 

There was no traffic in the canyon so they were free to just relax and enjoy the peaceful drive together. Jennifer sang along with snatches of songs on the radio, and they talked about nothing, following the looping road down to Sunset Boulevard. Traffic was heavier on Sunset although she knew it would be nothing compared to the 405 when they got to it. They were just passing through the intersection at Layton when she turned to ask Jonathan if he remembered her Kindle. They were in the middle of reading an edge-of-your-seat thriller and she hoped they would have time to finish it over the next ten days. 

His brain had a split second to register the black truck hurtling toward them at a seemingly impossible speed before it slammed into Jennifer's door with a sickening crunch. He saw her head bounce off of the headrest and the airbag deploy in slow motion to stop her forward momentum. The seatbelts pinned them tight, forcing the breath from his lungs as the darkness claimed him. 

Jennifer was calling his name and shaking him awake, everything was hazy and he didn't want to answer, but she wouldn't stop. He blinked slowly a couple of times as her hazel eyes came into focus. But something was wrong, Jennifer's eyes were flecked with gold and usually sparkling with laughter. These eyes were dark and worried looking. He blinked a few more times and tried to shake his head to clear the cobwebs but he couldn't move. He focused all of his attention, trying to make sense of what Jennifer was saying.

"Jonathan ... Mr. Hart ... we've put a cervical collar on you, don't try to move ... we'll have you out as soon as we can ... stay with me, Jonathan ... squeeze my fingers if you can hear me." Her voice was wrong too, Jennifer never sounded brusque like that. He forced his eyes open. Not Jennifer. This was another woman and his brain slowly put the pieces together, the dark hair in a fat braid over her shoulder, the blue uniform. An EMT. What did she ask him to do? Summoning all his will he squeezed his hands into fists and felt the warm, slightly rough texture of gloved fingers. 

"Jennifer." His voice sounded rusty in his ears as if he had lain here for years instead of minutes and he tried to summon some spit before he tried again. "Jennifer."

"Is that your wife, Mr. Hart? Is Jennifer your wife? Can you tell me what day it is?" He was getting frustrated with this annoying woman. How could he speak to Jennifer if she wouldn't shut up.

"It's Friday, let me talk to Jennifer. I need to talk to my wife." He tried to look over at her but the collar they had put around his neck restricted his movement. Why wouldn't she just answer him?

"Mr. Hart, listen to me. Your wife is unconscious right now but we are getting you out as fast as we can. We have to cut the car apart and it's taking some time. Just try your best to stay conscious." Jonathan tuned out her words as his right hand groped its way past the console searching for Jennifer. He found her elbow and traced it back to her hand, interlacing his fingers with her limp ones. The minutes stretched interminably, the car groaned and shuddered as the jaws of life pried the mangled pieces apart, and through it all Jennifer never made a sound. Her fingers never gripped his. It seemed to take hours before the EMT was back in his face.

"Mr. Hart, Jonathan ... We are going to pull you out now. It's very important that you try to remain perfectly still. Let us do all the work okay. Squeeze my hand if you understand me." Taking Jennifer's hand had used up all of his strength but he managed to weakly grip the woman's fingers. "We need to get them out of there." She was saying quietly to someone else. "He's fading fast and I can't get vitals on her." As much as he tried to fight, to stay awake for Jennifer, the darkness closed over him again. 

The bright cloudless sky seared his eyes when he tried to open them again. He was lying on his back in the road. He could see the mangled remains of the Mercedes to his left and in the furthest reach of his peripheral vision, he could see Jennifer on his right. Except it wasn't Jennifer, it was someone else, wearing Jennifer's clothes. It had to be. This person was covered in blood, so much blood that it had pooled and stained the ground beneath her. Jennifer would be so disappointed, her pretty blue blouse was ruined. Someone had cut it open and Jonathan could make out the edges of her white lace bra peeking out from under a large white foam pad someone had stuck to her chest. 

There was a mask over her face and he could see gloved hands rhythmically squeezing the large black bulb that forced air into her lungs. Another pair of hands moved in and out of his limited field of view, swabbing the inside of her elbow and inserting an IV catheter. Needle-phobic Jennifer didn't flinch at all when the butterfly cannula pierced her skin and that's when Jonathan really began to be afraid for his beloved wife. He struggled, trying to sit up and Not Jennifer appeared at his side. 

"Mr. Hart, please don't try to move. I promise you we are doing everything we can for your wife. We are going to get you to the hospital just as fast as possible. William is the best MedTech we've got, he will take excellent care of Jennifer." She nodded to someone he couldn't see and he was suddenly being lifted. He was frantic not to leave his wife's side and he began to struggle again as they moved toward the ambulance. Not Jennifer laid a hand on his shoulder to calm him and he knew there was nothing he could do. All the money in the world wouldn't get him into the same ambulance with her. He just had to pray it wasn't his last glimpse of her.

Chapter Two

The pain was all-encompassing. He recognized he was in a hospital, surrounded by crowds of medics all in the same blue scrubs and masks so he couldn't tell them apart. No one was talking to him. They were all bustling around him, poking and prodding and talking over him. They were all talking about him but no one was talking to him. Jonathan was not used to being ignored and it didn't sit well with him now. His pain didn't matter, Jennifer was all the mattered. He summoned every bit of the strength that made him CEO of one of the largest tech conglomerates in the world and spoke commandingly.

"I want someone who can tell me about my wife."

"Mister Hart, we need to get you stable first. We can check on your wife once we get you taken care of." He couldn't see the speaker and the lack of personal contact frustrated him.

"No. I want someone to update me about Jennifer right now. I don't care what my injuries are or what you plan to do about them. You all clearly know who I am, and what I can do." Jonathan never used his name or clout like this but all bets were off when it came to Jennifer. "Someone go and find out about my wife, right now." He could see them all exchanging glances and at last, the guy who seemed to be in charge gave a small nod and he heard someone hurry away. 

Jonathan focused his attention on the man who had nodded. "I want to know what my injuries are and what is being done for them but Jennifer is the priority no matter what. If it means I have to wait, even if it costs me my life. You save Jennifer. Am I clear?" Even lying flat on the gurney Jonathan's indomitable will was evident and the doctor nodded his assent.

"Mr. Hart, we will, of course, honor your wishes, and the nurse will be back shortly with the information about your wife, but in the meantime, we do need to keep working on you. You have most certainly shattered your right tibia and I suspect a fractured femur as well. You have broken at least one rib and you have a concussion, there may also be internal bleeding to deal with." The cluster of people around him resumed their activities but Jonathan still refused any pain medication. He didn't want to be asleep or even fuzzy when they returned with news of Jennifer.

It didn't take long, although to Jonathan it seemed to last hours. The nurse returned looking somber. Jonathan tried to brace himself for the worst but he couldn't, his brain refused to process the thought that she might be gone. His body started to shake and there was a roar in his ears that made it hard to understand what the young man was saying.

"Mrs. Hart is in a coma, she has a severely lacerated liver, broken ribs, her right radius is broken along with three metacarpus bones in her right hand. She has fractures to her T-seven and T-eight, but the brain bleed is the most worrisome. The neuro team is going to evaluate as soon as she is stable. Right now they are keeping her in a medically induced coma but the fact that she never regained consciousness after the accident is not a good sign."

"I want to see her."

"Mr. Hart, really. We need to see to your injuries. And your wife's team is doing the same for her." Dr. Hayden was getting exasperated, this man was stubborn as a bull. He must be in an incredible amount of pain but he was still refusing any meds, and now he wanted to take a cruise down the hall for a little conjugal visit.

"Doctor Hayden, Raymond here has just informed me that my wife is near death, I am not going to risk leaving here or going under any level of anesthesia until I have had the chance to see her and speak to her. Now you can take me to her or we can continue arguing and waste even more time. But I promise you, the result will be the same." It was the steely determination in Jonathan's eyes that swayed the doctor more than anything else. 

Raymond carefully disconnected the monitors and piled the leads onto the bed beside Jonathan along with the I.V. bag. Jonathan pushed the bed controls to raise him to a semi-sitting position, as high as he could go and still breathe through the pain in his ribs. It made Raymond smile when Jonathan even reached up to smooth his hair and wipe his face with a Kleenex. At the end of the short hall, they stopped in front of a closed curtain and Raymond stepped inside. 

Jonathan could hear hushed conversation and then Raymond reappeared. Again he tried to brace himself for how she might look but he was unprepared when Raymond pulled back the curtain. She could have been asleep, her face was so peaceful, and aside from the cartoonishly large bandage wrapped around her head, she looked almost normal. Her normally pale skin was now almost ethereally white and there were dark smudges under her eyes. Dr. Hayden had said she lost a lot of blood before they could get her liver stabilized. Raymond pushed him up so the beds were side by side and head to foot so Jonathan could face her.

Her spine had been stabilized and a metal frame put around the damaged vertebrae while the bones healed, and her right hand was casted from fingertip to elbow with only her thumb and index finger left free. Her ribs were taped and her liver repaired, she had been transfused with six units of blood in addition to the two she had given in the ambulance. All of this had been done while she was being kept unconscious by the propofol. She was still receiving a generous dose of painkiller through the IV but otherwise, she was in as good a shape as one could hope after such an ordeal.

Her hand was cold when he reached for it, careful to avoid brushing the broken one. She didn't flicker so much as an eyelash at his touch and she was connected to a dozen different machines. Her chest rose and fell steadily under the sheet, regulated by the machines keeping her alive. It was his sincere hope that the machines would only be necessary for a day or two until her body was rested and the swelling on her brain went down. He held her hand for as long as they would let him and he made a plan to speak to Max just as soon as possible. He wanted some special arrangements handled. Max would understand how important it was.

Jonathan had a half dozen different scans. His femur wasn't broken only badly bruised, but his tibia would need pins to reassemble it and he would likely walk with a limp for a very long time. The concussion was expected to cause some severe headaches and nausea for a few days so he had been given medications for both. His ribs were taped tightly, another reason why he couldn't risk any nausea. The surgery on his leg was scheduled for Monday as Dr. Hayden didn't want to chance putting him under the anesthesia until the concussion had healed. 

By the time he was as patched up as he could get for now and had been wheeled back to the emergency department, Max had arrived. Jonathan was not wheeled back to his own cubicle but pushed down to Jennifer's bay at the end of the hall. Max was waiting at the nurses' desk trying to get the phone number of Olivia, a solidly built woman around Jennifer's age. Her smooth chocolate skin and trace of Jamaica in her speech had him spellbound but he turned when he saw Jonathan approaching.

"You're all set, Mr. H. They are prepping a double room upstairs for you and Missus H, you won't be separated again."

"Thank you, Max. I want you to start asking around about hiring a private nurse. We will need one here to take some of the burdens off of the staff, besides I don't want Jennifer left alone. Ever. And we will need one at the house for at least a month or two, it will take that long for my leg to heal."

"Hey, Mr. H, ain't I always taken care of you?" Max sounded offended at the suggestion of a stranger taking over his duties.

"You have always taken great care of us, Max. It's just that between my leg and Jennifer's spine neither one of us is going to be walking anytime soon and it will just be too much for one person to handle." He didn't mention that Max wasn't getting any younger. Even in the same cubicle, he still felt too far away from Jennifer. He wanted to be where he could touch her and reassure himself that she was still alive. She was too pale and too still, even the steady beep of the machinery didn't convince him. 

Max could see the fear in his eyes and he walked over to the bed where Jennifer lay so still. He had always considered Jonathan like a son and over the years he had come to regard Jennifer as the daughter he'd never had. He would cut off his right arm if it meant sparing them this pain and he felt terribly guilty that he hadn't been driving. Maybe he could have done something, reacted faster. Maybe they would have fared better if they had been in the backseat. He reached out and carefully brushed the hair back from Jennifer's eyes, hoping against hope that she would open them like some fairytale princess. But the machines beeped on and her eyes remained closed. 

Max did the only thing he could think of. He jockeyed the beds back and forth carefully, moving Jonathan a couple of feet to the right and Jennifer about eighteen inches to the left until the beds were close enough for Jonathan to reach through the rails and hold her cool hand. The nurses would probably move them back all too soon but for now they could draw strength from each other as they always had. 

"Thank you, Max." Jonathan's voice was as close to breaking as Max had ever heard it and he had to walk away quickly before they both broke down. Alone in the cubicle, Jonathan looked around to take stock and realized that midnight had come and gone. Time in a hospital seemed to stretch and contract in odd ways. With a start, he noticed the date scrawled on the whiteboard across from the beds. It was their anniversary today. In a different lifetime, Jennifer would be preparing to sing to him, not lying helpless in this bed a prisoner to the array of machinery that surrounded her. A memory of one of the songs she often sang around the house floated through his head and he grasped for the words he had heard in her clear, pure alto. Clutching her unresponsive hand he began to sing brokenly.

"The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew  
we'd spend this life side by side  
I still feel the same though you're so far away  
I swear that you'll always be my  
forever love." (1)

He stopped with a sob, unable to continue. He had been running on adrenaline and sheer willpower for hours, trying to be strong for her. But now, in the small hours before dawn, he had nothing left and his sobs alternated with desperate prayers, begging God not to take her. The night nurses, used to eleventh-hour pleas and promises, wiped their eyes and blamed the dust or pollen in the air for their suddenly watering eyes. 

Saturday passed slowly with the dull monotony known only to those incarcerated in hospitals or prisons. Max returned after lunch with the resumes of several private nurses the care agency recommended and a stack of newspapers, all of the financial pages for Jonathan and crossword puzzles for Jennifer. After he left Jonathan spent the rest of the day reading crossword clues aloud to her hoping for some kind of response, anything to indicate she was still in there, still fighting, still his Darling. But Snow White slept on.

There had been very few times over the years that he regretted not being able to father a child but this was one of them. He was convinced that a child would have brought Jennifer back to him now. Surely she wouldn't be able to stay away from her own child. But then, how could she stay away from him? His mind was muddled from the medication and lack of sleep but at least the ICU nurses understood his need to be near her. They had pushed the two beds together and dropped the rails between them. It wasn't exactly the same as sleeping together but at least he could reach out and touch her as often as he needed to. 

By Sunday even the monotonous beeps and wooshing of the machinery had become a comforting backdrop assuring him that she still lived. Sunday evening, the first of the three private nurses he had hired from a stack of resumes arrived to take the first twelve hour shift to be with Jennifer while Jonathan was in surgery. Faith was a sunny woman from Puerto Rico who spoke lovingly of the island where her parents still lived, raising Faith's six year old daughter, while Faith spent every spare minute studying for her R.N. license to bring them all to mainland America. Max brought clean pajamas for them and several containers of food in a cooler to wait with them until Jonathan returned.

Jonathan's surgery was mostly straightforward. The break wasn't as bad as Dr. Hayden had feared but it still took nine screws and a plate to piece it all back together in a six and a half hour operation. Max stayed with Jennifer, playing Gin with Faith and later with Manny, who had the second shift. Jonathan had requested three caregivers, working a twelve-on-twenty-four off schedule with two additional nurses providing back up. Laila quickly became a favorite among the floor nurses due to her habit of bringing all manner of baked goodies to work with her. Max liked Manny, who at least had the decency to lose occasionally at Gin, Faith was a demon at Gin. 

On Tuesday, Dr. Esteban started to wean Jennifer off of the propofol that kept her in the coma. The swelling in her brain had not been severe enough to require a shunt, the neurologist opined that the massive blood loss from her liver may have actually helped keep her blood pressure low long enough to prevent any permanent brain damage. It wasn't the only miracle during that crazy time. The police had been by several times to keep Jonathan apprised of the investigation and they believed pretty strongly that both of the Harts would likely have been killed outright if they had been in almost any other car. Only the SUV's low center of gravity had kept it from rolling upon impact, a design modification only implemented on the newest models, and only on Mercedes. 

Jonathan had seen the insurance investigator's photos, the force of the impact had caused Lola to slide sideways for nearly twenty feet, the long tracks of rubber across the intersection proved that, but amazingly the car had remained upright. The side curtain airbag had hit Jennifer in exactly the right way to push her off center just enough that the front airbag didn't break every bone in her face when she was thrown forward. And William, the EMT who treated her at the scene was a Marine Corps veteran who had served four tours in the middle east and had experience with controlling battlefield blood loss. 

At every turn, there was another reason to be thankful they were alive. But Jennifer still hadn't awakened more than twenty four hours after Dr. Esteban stopped the propofol. Jonathan talked to her all day. He was stable and he knew if not for his money and position he would have been discharged by now. He couldn't bear the thought of leaving Jennifer alone in this place. He would be miserable at home without her, and he still believed that his voice would be the one to call her back from wherever she was and she would wake for him when she was ready. And he sang to her. Every night, singing every song he could remember her singing. 

"If along the way we find a day  
it starts to storm  
you've got the promise of my love   
to keep you warm" (2)

"Darling, what is a seven letter word for the road to perdition? Oh, of course, pathway. Like the first line of Dante's Inferno.

"I spent a lifetime waiting, always hesitating  
until you  
I was lost so deep inside my shell  
til you came and saved me from myself   
Now all I really know is I need you  
You are the love of my life" (3)

"Darling, Max is on his way up, he made you a devils food cake, with that frosting you love so much that has the Grand Marnier in it."

"I want to drop this cell phone now  
let it shatter on the ground  
They ain't holding nothing, these two hands  
until they're holding you again" (4)

"Darling, please wake up. Don't go, I need you. Please, Darling."

"You think you're lost, but you're not lost   
on your own, you're not alone  
I will stand by you, I will help you through  
when you've done all you can do, and you can't cope  
I will dry your eyes, I will fight your fight  
I will hold you tight and I won't let go." (5)

"I can still remember sitting in the park with you on our honeymoon when we watched that John Wayne movie projected on the side of the courthouse. Darling, there are so many more movies, and sunsets, and lakes. And even operas, I never told you that I secretly enjoyed La Traviata. And I promised to take you to Der Ring des Nibelungen. Aren't you impressed I said that correctly? You promised to translate Gotterdammerung for me.

"I need you in my arms, need you to hold  
you're my world, my heart, my soul  
If you ever leave, Baby you would take away everything  
good in my life  
Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky  
there would be no love in my life  
there'd be no world left for me   
and Baby, I don't know wha ..." (6)

"Not Baby, Darling." The words were so soft he wasn't sure he heard them. But Faith was rising up out of her chair by the window.

"What did you say?" He hardly dared to hope. 

"Sing to her some more." Faith instructed when Jennifer failed to respond. His mind was blank. He couldn't think of a single song, not even the one he was singing to her less than two minutes ago. He looked around desperately and his eyes landed on the magazine Faith had been reading. Perfect Hair in 20 Minutes or Less the headline screamed.

"Darling, just kiss me slow, your love is all I own  
and in your eyes you're holding mine ..." 

Did her lips curve up just the tiniest bit at the familiar nickname? He kept singing

"Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms,  
barefoot on the grass ..."

"Not Baby," she rasped with slightly more force, and now he could see her eyelids fluttering as she struggled to open them after six days in the coma. Faith hit the call button for the nurse, Olivia was on again tonight, and then ran to the door, trying not to yell and failing miserably.

More than anything Jonathan wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her awake as he had done so many times during their marriage. But he could still barely move himself, so he had to be content with holding her good hand and stroking her arm while Olivia flashed her penlight at Jennifer's eyes.

"Please wake up, Darling"

"Come on Dearie, open your eyes"

"Jennifer, you're almost there, come just a little farther." 

The voices overlapped, all begging Jennifer to awaken fully. And slowly her eyes opened. Dr. Esteban had warned them that she would probably be confused when she came around, and her throat was likely to be raw from the breathing tube that had been removed Tuesday. He cautioned Jonathan not to be to concerned if she didn't recognize him right away or if she seemed weepy or even angry when she woke up. Her brain had basically been in battery saver mode and it would take some time to fully come around. So far all of the early scans looked positive and he had every hope that she would make a complete recovery, it would just take a little time. 

Dr. Esteban appeared in response to Olivia's page and the room quieted. He repeated Olivia's action with the flashlight, lifting each of Jennifer's eyelids and flicking the light at her pupils. Jonathan was close enough to see her pupils expand and contract rapidly in the bright light. He was also close enough to see her struggling against the doctor's grip on her eyelids. That was his Jennifer, always a fighter. 

Dr. Esteban took her vital statistics and asked a series of questions to test her mental acuity. She knew who was the current president and she recognized Jonathan, she could recite her address and remembered her wedding anniversary. She looked a little confused and then upset after she answered that one but Jonathan seemed to be the only one who noticed and the doctor had moved on to some basic math questions and simple logic puzzles.

She had no memory of the accident, the last thing she remembered was cruising down the driveway with Jonathan and she was sad to hear that Lola had been demolished. Jonathan was concerned about how she would take the news that they were both sidelined for the next few months, they led such active lives and she was sure to chafe at being stuck in bed for any prolonged length of time. She was her usual sunny self when meeting the nurses who had been caring for her the past week but Jonathan could see that she needed some time to accept everything that had happened. 

He suggested that Faith take the rest of the evening off, Manny would be coming on in a couple of hours anyway. Jennifer was glad to see the room clear out, she wanted to be alone with Jonathan. There was so much to take in and it made her uncomfortable to be stared at like an exhibit in a zoo. She had questions about the last six days but she didn't want an audience for them.

"How did the accident happen?" She asked him when the room was empty.

"A stupid kid, only 24, carjacked a truck from a gas station. He was running from the cops at high speed when he hit us. He was killed on impact." He added, forestalling her next question. "If the police hadn't already been in pursuit there is no way you would have made it. They saw the accident happen and radioed for emergency services right away. The rescue crew had to cut the car into pieces to get to you, and you were hemorrhaging so much blood. Oh, Darling, when I think how close I came to losing you." Jonathan had to stop talking for a moment and compose himself. Now that she was awake all of the fear he had been sublimating for the past week came rushing back, hitting him all at once. 

Jennifer wanted to hold him as she usually did when he was ill or upset but she couldn't twist her body towards him so she had to settle for awkwardly stroking his hair with her good hand. She couldn't know how terrified he had been as the days continued to pass with no signs of consciousness from her. Or how he had felt seeing her lying on the ground next to him with her life seeping away while the EMTs worked frantically to stop the bleeding. Or even that split second before the truck hit them when some part of him had known they couldn't possibly survive. 

He saw that truck in his nightmares, bearing down on them, saw the way her head had so violently slammed into the headrest and then the airbag. Worst of all were the nightmares of her bleeding on the ground. He saw her again and again, not from the perspective of lying beside her but rather as a spectator standing over her, watching the blood spreading on the asphalt, more blood than she could possibly have in her. The dream had taken on horror movie proportions and he woke up drenched in sweat, biting back screams each night. Now that she was awake he prayed that the dreams would end and he would be able to sleep again. 

Chapter Three

It had been more than three months since Jennifer had awakened. They both remained in the hospital for several more days as Jennifer had to be monitored for any lasting adverse effects, but eventually she staged a small mutiny and was discharged to continue her recovery at home. There was no way they would be able to navigate the stairs for weeks yet so Laila and Max had worked with a contractor to install a small elevator in place of the big closet in the front hall. It opened directly into their bedroom so they could move around easily as they recovered.

Jennifer wished the other problems could be so easily handled. Jonathan continued to be plagued by nightmares. He had begun avoiding their bed, at first claiming he didn't want to disturb her, then blaming work. They hadn't made love since that morning before the accident and she was at a loss as to how to deal with it. The few times he had started to respond to her advances he had quickly made flimsy excuses, he had to work, there were too many people in the house now, etcetera.

He was avoiding her. She didn't know why, but she missed her husband. She didn't know why he sometimes woke suddenly in the night in a cold sweat, biting back a cry. She only knew she was lonely and she missed him. She had tried talking to him, then asking point blank, then finally begging him to tell her what the problem was but he refused to discuss it. He barely slept, and when he did it was usually on the sofa or in the guest bedroom. He almost never slept in their bed anymore, certainly not when she was in it. 

Jonathan knew he was hurting her with his distance but she couldn't understand how he kept seeing her lying on the ground, bleeding to death and there was absolutely nothing he could do to save her. He couldn't tell her how watching over her those six nights had made him feel so helpless, how aware of her fragility. he was so afraid to hurt her now. He had rebuffed her overtures and when she wouldn't accept his excuses any longer he simply began avoiding being in bed with her. He wanted to crawl into bed and hold her forever but he was terrified of losing her so he kept her at arm's length, telling himself he was doing it for her benefit. That she needed more time to heal.

Jennifer was at her wit's end. They had no experience with this sort of problem and she didn't know where to turn for advice but she knew she had to talk to someone. In desperation, she had asked Susan Kendall to recommend a good therapist. She had been meeting with Dr. Bentley for the last three weeks. She felt disloyal talking to a relative stranger about their problems, it had always been one of the strengths of their marriage that they talked to each other, but if Jonathan wouldn't hear her she needed someone who would. Now, Dr. Bentley wanted Jonathan to come with her so she could say the things she needed to say in a way that he could understand.

"Jonathan, I'm so pleased you agreed to join us today." Dr. Bentley shook his hand warmly as she ushered them both into her cozy office. "Jennifer and I have been talking about the car accident and her injuries. She has been struggling with her lack of memories for the time she was in the coma and lingering pain from injuries and procedures she has no memory of. She has given me permission to share all of this with you because she feels like you can understand because maybe you are dealing with some continuing issues yourself. Jennifer, is there something you want to say to Jonathan?"

"Darling, when we got married we promised to always talk to each other and share our fears but I feel like there is this chasm between us. I need to be able to talk to you." The tears shimmering in her eyes were a knife to Jonathan's heart but he had to stay strong. She didn't know how close she came to dying, didn't understand how fragile she was. Jennifer saw the tenderness in his eyes, and then saw it shift to steely resolve, and then her tears did spill over. 

"Don't you understand Darling. This isn't a marriage. We're barely even roommates. We can't keep on like this." She sobbed. And at last Jonathan broke down as well.

"Don't you understand? I might hurt you! You almost died. God, Jennifer. I laid there in that emergency room not knowing if you were already dead. There was so much blood ..." He dropped his face into his hands, struggling to maintain control. Then he felt Jennifer's arms around him, her tears falling on his hands.

"Darling, we can work on it together. As long as we are together we can face anything, remember? I will lift your sorrows and light your way in darkness." Jennifer spoke the words from their wedding earnestly, her tearstained face wetting his shirt front. "I've been so lonely without you to warm my bed."

"I've missed you too, my love." Jonathan wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing her hair again and again. "I keep having nightmares of you bleeding out, dying right beside me and I can't do anything to save you. I've been paralyzed with fear of losing you." 

"Come back to our bed, we will face the nightmares together. I've missed you." Now that they were finally talking again they couldn't seem to stop touching, he was kissing her hair and rubbing her back like she was oxygen, and she was nuzzling against his shoulder like she never wanted to be anywhere else.

"I think my work here is done." Dr. Bentley exclaimed happily. It had been clear from the start that Jennifer needed only a little guidance to put her feelings into words, and the way she spoke so lovingly of Jonathan it was clear that he only wanted the best for his wife. It was always so gratifying when she could help steer people back to each other. She would be available if either of them wanted to speak to her again but she suspected that now that they were talking to each other they wouldn't need her anymore.

"I need you, Darling." Jennifer spoke softly in the still air of their bedroom but he could still hear a frisson of fear of rejection in her voice and he hated that he had done that to her. He took her carefully in his arms and when the vision of her bloody and unconscious on the ground tried to take control he pushed it down resolutely, forcing his brain to picture her sated and happy in his arms instead. There are dreams for following, and some for chasing, and then there are those rare and special dreams worth growing wings and flying for. Jennifer was the dream that had him running off of cliffs. 

She leaned in to kiss him now, but she hesitated barely an inch from his lips. He could feel her breath on his mouth as she waited and the world stopped. The anticipation made them both crazy with longing, the need for her touch raced through him like wildfire in his blood, hanging in the air. She moved a fraction of an inch closer, lips parted slightly, eyes lowered but watching him. It was a contest of wills, he wanted her to take charge to make it easy for him and she wanted him to take the lead, to trust himself with her again. When he couldn't bear it any longer he crossed the last tiny, immense space between them and suddenly the heat connecting them made him wonder how he could ever have gone so long without her.

Her mouth tasted familiar and new to him and he was aware of all the ways she overwhelmed his senses. The coffee and toothpaste taste of her mouth was only the beginning. The scent of her perfume lingered in his nose, and the dusting of freckles across her cheeks, had they always been that cute? The sound of the birds in the garden was suddenly sweeter and even the drone of the honeybees seemed part of the background music of their bodies discovering each other again.

His hands knew where to go, finding the buttons of her blouse and slipping each tiny pearl disk free. As he moved the thin silk off of her shoulders the curve of her neck was so lovely, he could see her pulse beating strongly and he kissed the steady throb, sucking lightly until she pressed the length of her body hard against him. Her hands weren't idle moving over him, unbuttoning buttons, unfastening his belt. How could he have denied himself this for so long? He understood now what she meant when she told him they could heal each other. All of these weeks wasted, denying her the right to stand beside him and face down his demons with him.

No more slow dancing around the bedroom, if he didn't get inside her and quench this need he would die of longing for her. In just a few steps they were at the foot of the bed and he fell with her onto the fluffy down comforter. They didn't bother with the rest of their clothes, just shifted aside what was still in the way. Poised at her entrance he stopped and looked into her eyes, waiting for her nod before he slid inside her. 

Jennifer remembered the last time they had made love, that morning before the accident. Indeed it was almost her last memory before waking up in the hospital and she offered a quick prayer of thanks that it hadn't been taken from her. Now feeling him moving in her again, the memory of how they had looked in her big mirror, the way he had made her feel what he felt when he looked at her. Her body pulled him in, holding him tightly within her, she never wanted to be without him again. They moved together, finding the passion that had seen them through so much of their lives together. 

She climaxed against him with a ragged sob. This was what had been missing and when he spilled himself inside her it was with a cry that nearly matched her own, holding her close and crying her name again and again.

"I remember you singing to me." She said suddenly. They had been lying tangled together on the bed drowsing and contemplating asking Max to bring their supper up on a tray. "In the hospital, I remember you singing to me. At least I think I do, it might have been a dream."

"It wasn't a dream, I knew you couldn't be too far away and I thought you might follow the sound of my voice to find your way back to me." He spoke without embarrassment, he would have made a deal with the devil himself if it would have brought her back to him. 

"Your song," she exclaimed suddenly. I haven't sung you your anniversary song.

"That's alright, Darling. You had other things on your mind just then."

"No, you deserve to hear your song, especially this year." She rose up on her knees on the bed and cleared her throat. "Bear with me, I'm a little out of practice.

Baby, I've been drifting away, dreaming all day  
of holding you, touching you   
The only thing I want to do is be with you  
as close to you as I can be  
Let's make love all night long until all our strength is gone  
hold on tight and just let go  
I want to feel you in my soul  
until the sun comes up  
let's make love  
Do you know what you do to me  
everything inside of me   
is wanting you and needing you  
I'm so in love with you  
look in my eyes, let's get lost tonight in each other  
Let's make love all night long until all our strength is gone  
hold on tight and just let go  
I want to feel you in my soul  
until the sun comes up  
let's make love  
all night long  
all night long

She had no music, hadn't sung a note since before the accident, and was sitting in bed half undressed and flushed from their lovemaking but she sounded better than he had ever heard her, sitting in the gathering night, singing only for him. 

"I think that is an excellent idea." He told her and reached for her again.

**Author's Note:**

> The song references in this piece are  
Reba McEntire Forever Love  
George Strait I Cross My Heart  
Sammy Kershaw Love of My Life  
Luke Bryan Strip It Down  
Rascal Flatts I Won't Let Go  
Tricia Yearwood How Do I Live Without You  
Ed Sheeran Perfect  
Faith Hill Let's Make Love
> 
> The stability feature I ascribed to the Mercedes is entirely my own device for plot purposes


End file.
